My Heart is Full

My heart is full.

Full of praise- for my One and Only Savior, Jesus Christ;

Full of love- for the lost and hurting, love for my Jesus;

Full of awe and wonder- because of God's indescribable ways.

My heart is full of many things all because of knowing the Lord. God is one who constantly amazes me. His provision in His perfect timing is beyond my feeble mind. Yet, as I often say, why am I surprised? God has promised us that He will supply all our needs according to His purpose.(Philippians 4:19).

It has been a tough year for me. My plans and timing are not God's plan and timing. This year I said that I would go back to Trinidad. Yet, every time that I pursued going, something always came up. My heart was so overwhelmed with sadness that I wouldn't be able to go. Last year I had such a clear calling and everything fell right into place, but this year was different. Was I supposed to go or not? Is that where the Lord wanted me to be? 

Five weeks ago on a Sunday, a woman from church invited me to go out to eat with all the "old folks." I said yes, because I have a special place in my heart for older people. I love being able to talk with them and here how God has worked and continues to work in their lives. While out to lunch with them, Ms. Judy asked what I typically do in my summers and what I wanted to do with my life. I immediately start talking about Trinidad. Once finished, she looked straight at me and said, "Why are you not there? What is holding you back?" I felt like God was telling me at the moment "GO! I will provide. Have faith." With money being tight, I still wasn't 100% sure if I should go, but those words kept coming back to me. I knew I had to go. So taking a leap of faith, I told the Lord yes. 

I bought my plane ticket a few days later, actually it was on my birthday. Then I left for Trinidad that Saturday. Talk about a short turn around. I wanted to be able to spend as much time as I could there. After buying the ticket, I found some willing people to help look after my house and animals and before I left God provided an extra $500 from a family member and a dear friend. Who was I to worry when God said He would take care of it! Like I said at the beginning of this post, my heart is full. The Lord keeps bringing me back to Trinidad and I know one day it will be permanent. The relationships that I have built and the people I have met along the way are all part of a bigger picture that I cannot wait to see!

Then He said to His disciples, 

“Therefore I say to you, 

do not worry about your life, 

what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 

Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 

Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, 

which have neither storehouse nor barn; 

and God feeds them. 

Of how much more value are you than the birds? 

And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 

If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

“And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, 

nor have an anxious mind. 

For all these things the nations of the world seek after, 

and your Father knows that you need these things. 

But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. 

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 

Sell what you have and give alms; 

provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, 

a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, 

where no thief approaches nor moth destroys.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:22-34

(Pictures and another blog about Trinidad coming soon!) 

Grievous Burdens

There are days and weeks where life weighs me down and these past few weeks have been them. I have never understand the mindset of teenagers. Between teaching, coaching, and just living, I am worn down; at the bottom. My heart is heavy. I am grieved. Our children are lost. I am tired. Tired of trying to solve the problem. Even though I know I can't save every child. I care. It hurts, especially when it hurts my Jesus. I can never understand the pain and suffering that Jesus went through by dying on the cross or the pain of constant rejection.

It hurts when you put your all into something and try to help someone and they throw it back in your face. Why continue to help? Because Jesus did. He took rejection on the cross by taking the penalty of our sins. Jesus knew that He would be rejected. Yet, even in knowing that people would reject Him, He still went through with the plan and died for us. I will never understand that kind of rejection but I feel a little of the pain.

This week a student drew a picture instead of doing his assignment. The picture was of Jesus. Blood running from his head, chest, hands, and feet. A crown of thorns on His head with a rope drawn around His neck hanging dead. I almost threw up. This was my breaking point. Why? Why God?! My heart broke. It broke for the student, the others who are lost, the ones who know no better. I wanted to lash out in anger, but instead God told me no.

“You have heard that it was said, 

‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  

But I say to you, 

love your enemies, 

bless those who curse you, 

do good to those who hate you, 

and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,  

that you may be sons of your Father in heaven." 

Matthew 5:43-45a

As a Child of God, I am told to love, not hate. Pray, not lash out in anger. No matter how sad and grieved I am by this, I know that my God is also grieved. My job here on this earth is to show love and lead others to Him no matter how grievous the situation. Please join with me and pray. Pray for our generations, especially the upcoming one. Know that our prayers will be heard and that God grieves with us. And love. Love like never before. 

 "A new commandment I give to you, 

that you love one another; 

as I have loved you, 

that you also love one another.  

By this all will know that you are My disciples, 

if you have love for one another.”

John 13:35

Worth the Wait

If I were to speak to young women about the world’s distortion of what it means to be in a loving relationship, how sex is no longer sacred within marriage, and how they are an invaluable person who is worth waiting for...here is what I would say.

First thing first- You cannot undo what you have seen. 

We live in a world today that glamorizes sex outside of a marriage context. According to the media, we should be self-seeking individuals who uses sex as satisfaction for our bodies. When we see this over and over again, we start to believe that it is ok. We see in romantic movies how everything works out when a woman gives herself to a man. The ending always happy...and they lived happily ever after. This is not real life!! The problem is that you, young women, are bombarded by these images of sex but you are not getting the biblical perspective. Song of Solomon states multiple times “Do not awaken love until the time is right.” Over and over this is repeated...why? I believe it is because God is giving us a warning; He gave it to Solomon then, and is now still giving that warning to us now. Sex being exploited is not a new thing. Those living in biblical times had the same temptations that we have, we now just have Satan using media to slowly bring us around to the idea that giving yourself away before marriage is normal. Do not allow the media to distort sex. Do not allow yourself to believe that how the media portrays relationships is correct because it isn’t. You cannot undo what you have seen so be careful and cautious about what you allow yourself to see and hear.

Second- Don’t feel left out.

Just because you are not in a relationship, just because you have not had sex, do not feel left out! Someday your husband will thank you for saving yourself for him. You do not want previous experiences to take away from your sex life with your future husband. Every time that you have sex with someone, you give a little piece of your heart away. At the time, you may think that it is ok because everyone else is doing it but don’t be like everyone else. Do not feel that you are being left out because you have decided that your body is sacred, that no one besides your husband should touch you intimately. Trust me when I say that it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy thinking that you are the only one who has decided to wait for sex. But I can tell you this, someday it will be worth the wait when you tell your spouse that you have waited for him and only him. For those of you who have already made the decision to have sex now, do not think that you are not worth the wait now, because you are! You cannot undo the past, but you can look forward to the future. It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past because God forgives. Once you accept this forgiveness, you are made clean. If you have truly changed, then your future spouse will forgive you also. That is the amazing power of grace. They will forgive. You are worth the wait ladies! Don’t feel left out!

Third- Don’t conform.

In Romans 12, it says “Do not be conformed to this world…” Do not allow the world to conform you to it’s standards. Do not allow the movie Fifty Shades of Grey to say that being in an abusive, controlling relationship is normal. Allow yourself to believe that you are beautiful in God’s sight. You are worthy of being waiting for. Don’t conform to the world’s standard that it is “normal” to have sex within your relationships. It may be normal to the world, but to God it is only allowed and blessed within the context of marriage. Stand up for yourselves! Stand up for your beliefs! Don’t conform, be different!

Last, but definitely not least- Be patient and wait.

No matter how hard this sounds, because it is hard, be patient and wait. I am in no way perfect by any standards, but I can tell you that I have made a commitment to God, my future husband, and to myself that I will wait. I will wait and be patient because it will be worth it. At this point in my life, patience is definitely hard. I am 25 years old and am still waiting. During this waiting period, pray. Pray for wisdom, pray for your future spouse, pray for patience. And while doing so, seek the Lord. He will not fail you. He will love you with an everlasting love that will be magnified when you marry your husband. Be patient and wait, ladies, it will be worth it!

Shattered Sight

In light of what has been happening in the world these past couple months/years, as far as time can tell, I can't help but think that we live in a world of "shattered sight." A world that acts upon the "shattered sight." When you cannot see something clearly, it is shattered, distorted, broken. We live in a world that is broken and bruised by sin. A world where only one person can save us and His name is Jesus Christ, God's only Son. Once we accept His free gift of salvation, our sight is now complete. We no longer see through a broken glass window; we now see things clearly.

Those living in the world see themselves and others through a shattered window. Their view is distorted and the problem is that no one has told them that the window they look through is broken. So many people look through the shattered window and see no hope. No one has shown them the gospel that can fix the broken window and give them hope. Our job is to show them that gospel so now instead of seeing a shattered window they see the truth and are given hope in light of a broken world. 

Spread the news. Share His love. Give them hope. 

“If you abide in My word, 

you are My disciples indeed. 

And you shall know the truth, 

and the truth shall make you free.” 

John 8:31b-32

Walking on Water

Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away. And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there. But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”

And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:22-33

Have you ever had a moment(s) in your life when you doubted? I do...all the time. I second guess decisions; I wonder if what I am doing is what the Lord wants me to do; I think that I am incompetent. I think that when everything is working out the way it "should" it is good, but when it doesn't, I begin to doubt. Who am I to tell God that I everything must always be perfect? Who am I to think that God has not placed me here in this time to be a light to someone who needs it? Who am I to second guess? Hasn't God said that there is a time and place for everything under heaven? Isn't He the one who calms the storms with His hands, whose love is as far as the east is from the west, who has spoken the world into existence?

Where is my faith?

Peter asked Jesus to command him to come walk to Him on the water if it was truly Him. He had his doubts, yet Peter heard Jesus call and stepped out of the boat and Peter did walk on water! There are times in my life where I doubt if it is really God commanding me to do something. Is it really you, God? Just like Peter, I have to take a step of faith out of the boat, understanding that once out, I must keep my eyes on Jesus.

But what got in the way next after the step of faith that Peter took? The wind did. It was boisterous, meaning it was loud, unrestrained, rough, stormy, and massive! Peter became afraid of the wind. It temporarily took Peter away from his intent of walking on the water toward Jesus. Because of his "indecision and uncertainty," Peter began to sink as soon as He took his eyes of Jesus. How true does this ring in my life! I allow stress, indecision, doubt stand in my full view of Jesus and then I begin to sink. I fail at keeping my eyes on the one who gave His life for me, and I sink.

The good news for Peter and me is that Jesus saves. Peter cried out. "Lord, save me!" And what did Jesus do? He saved Peter. His hand outstretched, immediately, to Peter. Jesus heard Peter and responded. I cry out also. "Lord, save me from myself doubt, indecision, and stresses of life! Help me!" Guess what?! God does exactly that. Just like Jesus immediately put out His hand to save Peter, He has done and continues to do the same for me.

Peter took a risk by walking on the water because He knew that Jesus had the power to walk on water. So why not ask and do the same? Take a step of faith. Test the waters. And when you begin to doubt, know that God's hand is right there, ready to help you before you drown.

The Steel Pan Man

It was mid-morning, hot and humid, in Trinidad. I had stepped off the bus into familiar territory, a place that I had been before. Memories assaulted me from 7 years before. My first trip to Trinidad. My first VBS in Trinidad. My first connection with children in Trinidad. As I looked around I saw the familiar carts that would hold steel pan drums, a big open field with grass that came up to my ankles, a concrete slab where we once held puppet shows...and then I heard it. A faint, but consist tink...tink...tink. I looked across the open field to a small shack. Nothing. Nobody was there. So I paused and listened. Again, tink...tink, tink...tink. This time I realized it was coming from the left. I turned, looking into the sun. There across the field and across the road, I saw a man. The man was the one making that faint noise. Walking toward the man, the tink became louder. What was he doing? The sound drew me in and before I knew it, I was standing right next to him, watching him.

He was dressed in an old dark gray t-shirt, small holes littered the shirt. Cotton shorts and well-worn shoes covered the rest of his body. Sitting on a small stool, he was using a small hammer-like tool, tapping a steel pan. This steel pan was not the beautiful, shiny, polished pan. No, this pan was rusty, and brown, with a few small holes smattering the base of the drum. The man was focused. I watched as he would tap the drum, then rub his hand along the drum, feeling for any defects. As I stood there, I thought to myself, "Goodness, why does he take his time with that steel pan? Looks like junk to me." He read my mind. He turned, looked at me, and then proceeded to tell me about the steel pan drum. Each drum is hand-made by pounding steel, then sent to get polished and shined up, then sent back to the creator to be tuned again before being sent to be purchased. One drum takes months to tune, weeks to polish, and then more weeks to tune again.

The way that he almost, lovingly, tuned that steel-pan made me think of myself and my relationship with my Creator God and Savior Jesus Christ. God is like that man. He sees a "piece of junk" something that seems to be unusable, insignificant, worthless, and creates a beautiful masterpiece. He sent His only Son, Jesus, to come and give us a free gift of salvation, a chance at living and becoming a usable, significant, worthy masterpiece. I was once that old, ugly steel pan. God took the time to pick me up from that pile of junk, look at me, and see me for who I could be. He is molding be everyday. Tapping me, making sure that my "notes," my way of living, is beautiful and pleasing to Him. He will do the same for you, if you only ask.

Who is God calling me to be?

Who is God calling me to be? Not, what am I called to do.

Who am I? 

I am a child of God. And because I am a child of God, I am able to be molded into who God wants me to be. No matter how hard, or easy life is, I know that because I am God's child that I should not worry about the future. Does that mean that I will never worry, no. Does that mean that I will always be 100% sure of what I am "called to do," absolutely not, but I do know that it's not about what I am called to do, it is about who I am called to be.

God has called me to be a person who loves people. 

 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”- John 13:34-35

God has called me to be a servant. 

  

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."- Galatians 5:13

God has called me to be a leader. 

"Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."- 1 Timothy 4:12

God has called me to be a person of compassion. 

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."- Colossians 3:12

 

God has called me to be a person who forgives. 

 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."- Colossians 3:13


Sometimes Christians focus too much on outward "callings." Thinking that, "Oh, _(insert name)_ is doing the Lord's work by ministering overseas." or "My life as a Christian, does not mean as much as __(insert name)__'s life because I have not been called to do that particular thing, so I must not be important. No! False! As Christians, it is our duty to become the person that God wants us to be and has asked us to be.  

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus"

-Colossians 3:17

What if we all decided that we were "called" to go overseas? Who would be "called" to here? What if we all were "called" to teach? That would never work! Each member of the Christian body is like the actual, physical body. We cannot all be the eyes. We cannot all be the ears. Each has an important role in the functioning of the Christian body, but there is one thing that we all can be. We can all be the feet. The feet that proclaim the Gospel of Christ wherever we are! And we all can complement each other in the body of Christ. Complement means "a thing that completes or brings to perfection, a number of something to make a group complete." We all complete the body of Christ. That is what we are "called to be and called to do."

  "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you 

 ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." 

-Romans 12:3-8

God has given each one of us different gifts to be used. Do not ever think that your gift goes unseen. Do not ever think that you don't have a purpose. That your life is less important than (insert name)'s life. God has called each one of us to be the person who knows what we believe, why we believe, and a follower of Jesus Christ- the perfect example of who God has called us to be. Never think the Christian life is about actions/works. When you let the Lord work in your life, you will know who you are, who He has called you to be, and with that will come what God has called you to do.


But first, we must ask ourselves....Who is God calling me to be?