When Life Doesn't Go As Planned...

In high school, my friends would always tell me, "You are going to be the first to get married and have children." In my mind, yes...that was going to happen. I would go to college, find the love of my life, have at least 4 children, and glorify God through marriage with my husband. All of this was supposed to happen before I turned 30, because you know that 30 is so old. 

2019 is the year that I turn 30. The things that I thought would be in place in my life are not even close to happening. Yet, the Lord knows the desires of my heart and I trust that whatever His plan is, it is much better than I could have ever planned. I read a short devotional recently that talked about Mary, the mother of Jesus. This is what stood out to me, "Mary had a complete change of expectations for the entire course of her life. In trust, she yielded herself, her dreams, her plans, her very body to the Lord; and then she celebrated in song the privilege of being used by Him in His kingdom plan." How true is this?! I don't know what Mary's "plan" was for her life, but I do know that it didn't involve being the mother to Jesus, the Savior of the world. 

Can I give up myself, my dreams, my plans, my everything to the Lord? Isn't that what He calls us to do anyways? Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." If Christ lives in me, my dreams and plans are not mine but are now His. Whatever my life turns out to be, it should be honoring and glorifying to God. Maybe the Lord's plans are not for me to marry and have children, but to wholeheartedly serve Him without the distraction of a husband and children. "The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction." 1 Corinthians 7:34b-35

I know that the Lord's plans are much greater than my plans. He knows my heart and my dreams. He knows what is best. I have to trust in that and be thankful that He cares for what is best for me. 

"My soul magnifies the Lord,

47 

And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.

48 

For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;

For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.

49 

For He who is mighty has done great things for me,

And holy is His name."

Luke 1:46-49

Blessings in Disguise

Little did I know that being delayed three hours would bring blessings. As the saying goes, God works in mysterious ways!

Monday evening my plane was supposed to leave the small airport at 7:30pm. The plan was to fly to Denver...then arrive in Houston around 3:30am...get a hotel for the night...leave for Trinidad at 2:35pm. Instead of my plans working out, the Lord had another plan. When I arrived at the airport, I was informed that my flight was 3hrs delayed. Three hours meant that I couldn't make my connecting flight to Houston....(great). I called the airline who promptly told me to change my ticket it would be $900. (Absolutely not!) Then I was told $800!(No thanks!) Finally, we reached an agreement of $0 and found a flight. Unfortunately that flight was leaving at 5:30am. Instead of sleeping in a nice hotel for the night, I stayed awake in the Houston airport. Not much goes on at an airport from 1:30am-4:45am. I knew that if I fell asleep I would probably miss my flight. (For those of you who know me well, I can sleep through anything.) I open my computer and start watching a movie. I notice a woman walking around, she sees me and promptly sits down next to me. (Hmm...what should I do?) So, I decide to talk with her. I listen as she tells me about her grandchildren, job, life in general; we swap stories and photos. She missed her connecting flight because of a last minute gate change, so she was stuck in the airport until 9:30am. (And I thought my day was bad!) I begin to talk about church, missions, and God but she didn't want to hear it, so I decided to just listen and be a friend. We ended up watching "I Can Only Imagine." One of my favorite movies! (I cry every time I watch it, because I am overwhelmed by the power of God's forgiveness and love for us.) Sadly, we were unable to finish. 

Blessing #1- New friend who needs Jesus

Getting ready to board my flight to Houston. (Extremely tired) I do not stay awake all night. I can count on one hand the times that I have had to pull an all-nighter. As I am boarding, I am praying for a window seat so that I can lean on it and go to sleep for a few hours. In my mind impossible...because I had an aisle seat. Little did I know another blessing in disguise was waiting for me. My seat was all the way in the back, walking to the back of the plane, I look up and see a woman sitting in my seat. Confused, I checked my ticket and realized I wasn't mistaken, there was a woman in my seat. I politely tell her that is my seat when she said, "Oh I know! I was wondering if you would take the window seat so I can sit here." (Heart racing, singing praises to God!!) The small things make my God bigger! 

Blessing #2- Window seat...sleep.

Don't let circumstances control how you react. Trust God. Trust His timing. Trust His will. God used my circumstances. Use your circumstances to bring glory, honor, and praise to God, as I have learned! You never know whom you may encounter who needs to know the Lord and look for those small blessings!

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! 

 How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! 

'For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has become His counselor?

 Or who has first given to Him 

And it shall be repaid to him?'

For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

 

Beauty Defined by God

As a young woman, I tend to focus on outward appearances. Thoughts go through my head of how I am not "pretty enough," "skinny enough," "fit enough," etc. At this point in my life as I am in my late twenties, I figured these self-doubts would end after high school or even college. Enough is enough!! No more putting myself down, I know that I am more than a physical face and body. I am a human, saved by grace, who struggles everyday with thoughts of inadequacy. "Could I have done something better? Can I change to make myself more of the things I listed above?" Because of my recent move, these thoughts tend to come more often. I suppose I feel this way because of my insecurities, lack of friends, and totally new environment, but that does not give me an excuse to feel this way!

In Christ I am:

Praiseworthy 

Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, 

but a woman who fears the Lord, 

she shall be praised."

 

Beautiful

1 Peter 3:3-4

 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—

arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—  

rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, 

with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 

which is very precious in the sight of God."

New Creation 

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

 

Confident

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Worthy of Love 

Jeremiah 31:3

"The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: 

'Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you.'"

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Psalm 139:14a

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." 

Strong

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; 

do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, 

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Bold

Proverbs 28:1

"The wicked flee when no one pursues,
But the righteous are bold as a lion."

Known

1 Corinthians 8:3

"But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him."

Priceless

Proverbs 31:10b

"For her worth is far above rubies"

Valued

Ephesians 2:4-7

"But God, who is rich in mercy, 

because of His great love with which He loved us,  

even when we were dead in trespasses, 

made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),  

and raised us up together,  

and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,  

that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace 

in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus"

These words are so much better than a petty definition of beauty in the world today! I am all the above in Christ. This is beautiful to Him! I am standing on how God defines me, not the world. Satan uses our insecurities, but God uses our imperfections for His glory! Be blessed and if you ever doubt yourself, know that you are loved by the God who gave up His only Son's life for you!

Moving West

As some of you may or may not know, I have moved back to my home state of Nebraska. A lot of prayer went into the move and I truly believe that this is where God wants me right now. Moving to Nebraska meant being closer to home. Although "closer" is still actually 8 hours from home. Who knew that Nebraska was so big?! (The red dot is where I am located and my family is just north of Omaha.)

My new little town is called Harrison, actually the Village of Harrison. It boasts 251 people...now 252. Everyone knows everyone and everything here. I can walk or ride a bike to school, the post office, bank, etc. because there is no need to drive with things so close. The nearest grocery store is about 30 miles away; nearest Walmart is 50+ miles. So far in the one week that I have lived here, I have hit two birds and one rattlesnake. I have seen antelope, buffalo, coyotes, deer, and of course horses and lots of cattle. The landscape out here is so different from anywhere that I have ever been. Huge open fields, buttes, sandhills, and the biggest sky ever! Who knew the sky was so big? It reminded me of the following verses from Job.

"Also with moisture He saturates the thick clouds; 

He scatters His bright clouds.  

And they swirl about, being turned by His guidance, 

That they may do whatever He commands them
On the face of the whole earth.
He causes it to come,
Whether for correction,
Or for His land,
Or for mercy.

Listen to this, O Job;
Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God.

Do you know when God dispatches them,
And causes the light of His cloud to shine?

Do you know how the clouds are balanced,
Those wondrous works of Him who is perfect in knowledge?"

Job 37:11-16

I can be driving in the car to a town and not pass anyone for at least 10 minutes. The average time between seeing cars (yes, my dad and I timed it) is about 1.5 minutes. Listening to the radio, "Today's modern music" the first thing that came on was "Chariots of Fire".....I suppose that is pretty modern for out here.
Oh yes, and don't forget that you may see cattle walking along the road, outside of the fence. You may even be stopped by policemen so that cattle can cross the road....yes this did actually happen.

Life has become a total change of pace, as you have read above.  Life is a much slower pace here in Harrison. God knew exactly what I needed in a new place, not what I had wanted or expected. I look forward to teaching and coaching in this small town and am grateful for this opportunity to serve the Lord in this way. 

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, 

to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Hola España

Hello Spain,

It's good to finally meet you. Your cities are beautiful and your people kind. You welcome with big hearts, but I wonder who has your heart. Is your heart set on God above or earth below?

As I sit and ponder you, I am amazed at the surrounding beauty, but my heart aches for you. You have a rich history in Christianity, but is it just history or is it now? Your churches stand over the centuries, yet it is just a building. How has the heart of Christianity stood? On top of the houses are crosses to mark where past Christians have lived, but has that legacy lived on? 

My heart does not ache just for you, but for those around the world. Those who are lost because they don´t know Jesus. How are they supposed to know when we look at the past? People need to see Jesus living now inside of us...inside of you now. "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16) 

Spain, you are one of the most historic and beautiful countries that I have ever been too. Know that I am praying for you and love telling you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. God is working here. Open your hearts and minds to listen to what He has to tell you. His plans are much greater than ours.

Love in Christ,

Tabitha

God's Great Grace!

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

-Psalm 23-

How great is it to know that the Lord, who is the Creator, Sustainer, Provider, is our Shepherd. He loves us so much! What a comfort to me this is! The God of eternity cares enough for me! 

He cares enough to allow me, a simple-minded human being, share His love with others. While in Trinidad this past year, God gave me and a dear friend the opportunity to lead a young woman to Christ. If you have ever seen the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, it is a powerful thing! Her life and mine are forever changed. My heart rejoices at the thought of seeing her again someday in heaven!

Tired and Discouraged

A few weeks ago, I took a break from my usual work routine and went to the mountains for the day. I needed a break away from the stresses of teaching and coaching. It was a time for me to reflect on what the Lord has been doing in my life. As I sat down, the scripture that came to mind was 

Psalm 121 which says,

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help? 

 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore."

On that day, I was so discouraged and tired. Tired of fighting for the right thing, tired of teaching and coaching, tired of not knowing the next step, tired of applying for jobs and not hearing anything back, just tired. Why didn't God care about all of those things? Why did I feel like He was being silent? Reflecting on it now, I know that God was not silent, that He did care and does care. He was asking me to be patient, to wait on Him, to release those chains weighing me down and to lay them at His feet. Once I finally let those chains go, God gave me a peace that everything would be ok. God's plan was much better than my plans ever were. If you are struggling today, know that God does care. He is taking care of every little detail and all you have to do is trust. Have faith that He knows what is best! 

Overwhelmed

It has been over 6 months since my last blog post. Funny thing is that it feels just like yesterday. I started multiple blogs, but have not finished them. School started, teaching and coaching took over, and then over 6 months goes by. I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by teaching, coaching, trying to keep up in life, remembering things I should do, etc. 

The good thing is that I don't have to do it alone. I have a God who cares about the little details. When everything is not going as planned, or I am too overwhelmed to move ahead, He is right there; guiding me, helping me, and directing me. No matter what. I would not be a teacher without Him. Daily I have to ask for patience, for direction, for wisdom in teaching students. Where would I be without the Lord? Teaching is a mission field. I love teaching. The moment when a student "understands" is priceless. Let alone I teach lifelong skills. I hope to some day see the things that they learn in class becoming part of who they are. Not only teaching them to be conscious of their health and physical activity, but to learn respect; to learn what it means to help others; and most of all, to know about a loving God who sent His only Son to die so that we may live. 

My goal daily is to shine the light of Christ. Light drives away darkness and I can personally tell you that the public schools are full of darkness. At times it is overwhelming and suffocating. I come home and just cry. Cry from the way satan works through these kids. All the more reason to be the light. Allow God to shine His light through you! Don't let the darkness overwhelm, know that light chases darkness away. So let your little light shine!

“You are the light of the world. 

A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  

Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, 

but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  

Let your light so shine before men, 

that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5:14-16

My Heart is Full

My heart is full.

Full of praise- for my One and Only Savior, Jesus Christ;

Full of love- for the lost and hurting, love for my Jesus;

Full of awe and wonder- because of God's indescribable ways.

My heart is full of many things all because of knowing the Lord. God is one who constantly amazes me. His provision in His perfect timing is beyond my feeble mind. Yet, as I often say, why am I surprised? God has promised us that He will supply all our needs according to His purpose.(Philippians 4:19).

It has been a tough year for me. My plans and timing are not God's plan and timing. This year I said that I would go back to Trinidad. Yet, every time that I pursued going, something always came up. My heart was so overwhelmed with sadness that I wouldn't be able to go. Last year I had such a clear calling and everything fell right into place, but this year was different. Was I supposed to go or not? Is that where the Lord wanted me to be? 

Five weeks ago on a Sunday, a woman from church invited me to go out to eat with all the "old folks." I said yes, because I have a special place in my heart for older people. I love being able to talk with them and here how God has worked and continues to work in their lives. While out to lunch with them, Ms. Judy asked what I typically do in my summers and what I wanted to do with my life. I immediately start talking about Trinidad. Once finished, she looked straight at me and said, "Why are you not there? What is holding you back?" I felt like God was telling me at the moment "GO! I will provide. Have faith." With money being tight, I still wasn't 100% sure if I should go, but those words kept coming back to me. I knew I had to go. So taking a leap of faith, I told the Lord yes. 

I bought my plane ticket a few days later, actually it was on my birthday. Then I left for Trinidad that Saturday. Talk about a short turn around. I wanted to be able to spend as much time as I could there. After buying the ticket, I found some willing people to help look after my house and animals and before I left God provided an extra $500 from a family member and a dear friend. Who was I to worry when God said He would take care of it! Like I said at the beginning of this post, my heart is full. The Lord keeps bringing me back to Trinidad and I know one day it will be permanent. The relationships that I have built and the people I have met along the way are all part of a bigger picture that I cannot wait to see!

Then He said to His disciples, 

“Therefore I say to you, 

do not worry about your life, 

what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 

Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 

Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, 

which have neither storehouse nor barn; 

and God feeds them. 

Of how much more value are you than the birds? 

And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 

If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

“And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, 

nor have an anxious mind. 

For all these things the nations of the world seek after, 

and your Father knows that you need these things. 

But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. 

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 

Sell what you have and give alms; 

provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, 

a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, 

where no thief approaches nor moth destroys.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:22-34

(Pictures and another blog about Trinidad coming soon!) 

Grievous Burdens

There are days and weeks where life weighs me down and these past few weeks have been them. I have never understand the mindset of teenagers. Between teaching, coaching, and just living, I am worn down; at the bottom. My heart is heavy. I am grieved. Our children are lost. I am tired. Tired of trying to solve the problem. Even though I know I can't save every child. I care. It hurts, especially when it hurts my Jesus. I can never understand the pain and suffering that Jesus went through by dying on the cross or the pain of constant rejection.

It hurts when you put your all into something and try to help someone and they throw it back in your face. Why continue to help? Because Jesus did. He took rejection on the cross by taking the penalty of our sins. Jesus knew that He would be rejected. Yet, even in knowing that people would reject Him, He still went through with the plan and died for us. I will never understand that kind of rejection but I feel a little of the pain.

This week a student drew a picture instead of doing his assignment. The picture was of Jesus. Blood running from his head, chest, hands, and feet. A crown of thorns on His head with a rope drawn around His neck hanging dead. I almost threw up. This was my breaking point. Why? Why God?! My heart broke. It broke for the student, the others who are lost, the ones who know no better. I wanted to lash out in anger, but instead God told me no.

“You have heard that it was said, 

‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  

But I say to you, 

love your enemies, 

bless those who curse you, 

do good to those who hate you, 

and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,  

that you may be sons of your Father in heaven." 

Matthew 5:43-45a

As a Child of God, I am told to love, not hate. Pray, not lash out in anger. No matter how sad and grieved I am by this, I know that my God is also grieved. My job here on this earth is to show love and lead others to Him no matter how grievous the situation. Please join with me and pray. Pray for our generations, especially the upcoming one. Know that our prayers will be heard and that God grieves with us. And love. Love like never before. 

 "A new commandment I give to you, 

that you love one another; 

as I have loved you, 

that you also love one another.  

By this all will know that you are My disciples, 

if you have love for one another.”

John 13:35

Worth the Wait

If I were to speak to young women about the world’s distortion of what it means to be in a loving relationship, how sex is no longer sacred within marriage, and how they are an invaluable person who is worth waiting for...here is what I would say.

First thing first- You cannot undo what you have seen. 

We live in a world today that glamorizes sex outside of a marriage context. According to the media, we should be self-seeking individuals who uses sex as satisfaction for our bodies. When we see this over and over again, we start to believe that it is ok. We see in romantic movies how everything works out when a woman gives herself to a man. The ending always happy...and they lived happily ever after. This is not real life!! The problem is that you, young women, are bombarded by these images of sex but you are not getting the biblical perspective. Song of Solomon states multiple times “Do not awaken love until the time is right.” Over and over this is repeated...why? I believe it is because God is giving us a warning; He gave it to Solomon then, and is now still giving that warning to us now. Sex being exploited is not a new thing. Those living in biblical times had the same temptations that we have, we now just have Satan using media to slowly bring us around to the idea that giving yourself away before marriage is normal. Do not allow the media to distort sex. Do not allow yourself to believe that how the media portrays relationships is correct because it isn’t. You cannot undo what you have seen so be careful and cautious about what you allow yourself to see and hear.

Second- Don’t feel left out.

Just because you are not in a relationship, just because you have not had sex, do not feel left out! Someday your husband will thank you for saving yourself for him. You do not want previous experiences to take away from your sex life with your future husband. Every time that you have sex with someone, you give a little piece of your heart away. At the time, you may think that it is ok because everyone else is doing it but don’t be like everyone else. Do not feel that you are being left out because you have decided that your body is sacred, that no one besides your husband should touch you intimately. Trust me when I say that it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy thinking that you are the only one who has decided to wait for sex. But I can tell you this, someday it will be worth the wait when you tell your spouse that you have waited for him and only him. For those of you who have already made the decision to have sex now, do not think that you are not worth the wait now, because you are! You cannot undo the past, but you can look forward to the future. It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past because God forgives. Once you accept this forgiveness, you are made clean. If you have truly changed, then your future spouse will forgive you also. That is the amazing power of grace. They will forgive. You are worth the wait ladies! Don’t feel left out!

Third- Don’t conform.

In Romans 12, it says “Do not be conformed to this world…” Do not allow the world to conform you to it’s standards. Do not allow the movie Fifty Shades of Grey to say that being in an abusive, controlling relationship is normal. Allow yourself to believe that you are beautiful in God’s sight. You are worthy of being waiting for. Don’t conform to the world’s standard that it is “normal” to have sex within your relationships. It may be normal to the world, but to God it is only allowed and blessed within the context of marriage. Stand up for yourselves! Stand up for your beliefs! Don’t conform, be different!

Last, but definitely not least- Be patient and wait.

No matter how hard this sounds, because it is hard, be patient and wait. I am in no way perfect by any standards, but I can tell you that I have made a commitment to God, my future husband, and to myself that I will wait. I will wait and be patient because it will be worth it. At this point in my life, patience is definitely hard. I am 25 years old and am still waiting. During this waiting period, pray. Pray for wisdom, pray for your future spouse, pray for patience. And while doing so, seek the Lord. He will not fail you. He will love you with an everlasting love that will be magnified when you marry your husband. Be patient and wait, ladies, it will be worth it!

Shattered Sight

In light of what has been happening in the world these past couple months/years, as far as time can tell, I can't help but think that we live in a world of "shattered sight." A world that acts upon the "shattered sight." When you cannot see something clearly, it is shattered, distorted, broken. We live in a world that is broken and bruised by sin. A world where only one person can save us and His name is Jesus Christ, God's only Son. Once we accept His free gift of salvation, our sight is now complete. We no longer see through a broken glass window; we now see things clearly.

Those living in the world see themselves and others through a shattered window. Their view is distorted and the problem is that no one has told them that the window they look through is broken. So many people look through the shattered window and see no hope. No one has shown them the gospel that can fix the broken window and give them hope. Our job is to show them that gospel so now instead of seeing a shattered window they see the truth and are given hope in light of a broken world. 

Spread the news. Share His love. Give them hope. 

“If you abide in My word, 

you are My disciples indeed. 

And you shall know the truth, 

and the truth shall make you free.” 

John 8:31b-32

Walking on Water

Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away. And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there. But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”

And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:22-33

Have you ever had a moment(s) in your life when you doubted? I do...all the time. I second guess decisions; I wonder if what I am doing is what the Lord wants me to do; I think that I am incompetent. I think that when everything is working out the way it "should" it is good, but when it doesn't, I begin to doubt. Who am I to tell God that I everything must always be perfect? Who am I to think that God has not placed me here in this time to be a light to someone who needs it? Who am I to second guess? Hasn't God said that there is a time and place for everything under heaven? Isn't He the one who calms the storms with His hands, whose love is as far as the east is from the west, who has spoken the world into existence?

Where is my faith?

Peter asked Jesus to command him to come walk to Him on the water if it was truly Him. He had his doubts, yet Peter heard Jesus call and stepped out of the boat and Peter did walk on water! There are times in my life where I doubt if it is really God commanding me to do something. Is it really you, God? Just like Peter, I have to take a step of faith out of the boat, understanding that once out, I must keep my eyes on Jesus.

But what got in the way next after the step of faith that Peter took? The wind did. It was boisterous, meaning it was loud, unrestrained, rough, stormy, and massive! Peter became afraid of the wind. It temporarily took Peter away from his intent of walking on the water toward Jesus. Because of his "indecision and uncertainty," Peter began to sink as soon as He took his eyes of Jesus. How true does this ring in my life! I allow stress, indecision, doubt stand in my full view of Jesus and then I begin to sink. I fail at keeping my eyes on the one who gave His life for me, and I sink.

The good news for Peter and me is that Jesus saves. Peter cried out. "Lord, save me!" And what did Jesus do? He saved Peter. His hand outstretched, immediately, to Peter. Jesus heard Peter and responded. I cry out also. "Lord, save me from myself doubt, indecision, and stresses of life! Help me!" Guess what?! God does exactly that. Just like Jesus immediately put out His hand to save Peter, He has done and continues to do the same for me.

Peter took a risk by walking on the water because He knew that Jesus had the power to walk on water. So why not ask and do the same? Take a step of faith. Test the waters. And when you begin to doubt, know that God's hand is right there, ready to help you before you drown.

The Steel Pan Man

It was mid-morning, hot and humid, in Trinidad. I had stepped off the bus into familiar territory, a place that I had been before. Memories assaulted me from 7 years before. My first trip to Trinidad. My first VBS in Trinidad. My first connection with children in Trinidad. As I looked around I saw the familiar carts that would hold steel pan drums, a big open field with grass that came up to my ankles, a concrete slab where we once held puppet shows...and then I heard it. A faint, but consist tink...tink...tink. I looked across the open field to a small shack. Nothing. Nobody was there. So I paused and listened. Again, tink...tink, tink...tink. This time I realized it was coming from the left. I turned, looking into the sun. There across the field and across the road, I saw a man. The man was the one making that faint noise. Walking toward the man, the tink became louder. What was he doing? The sound drew me in and before I knew it, I was standing right next to him, watching him.

He was dressed in an old dark gray t-shirt, small holes littered the shirt. Cotton shorts and well-worn shoes covered the rest of his body. Sitting on a small stool, he was using a small hammer-like tool, tapping a steel pan. This steel pan was not the beautiful, shiny, polished pan. No, this pan was rusty, and brown, with a few small holes smattering the base of the drum. The man was focused. I watched as he would tap the drum, then rub his hand along the drum, feeling for any defects. As I stood there, I thought to myself, "Goodness, why does he take his time with that steel pan? Looks like junk to me." He read my mind. He turned, looked at me, and then proceeded to tell me about the steel pan drum. Each drum is hand-made by pounding steel, then sent to get polished and shined up, then sent back to the creator to be tuned again before being sent to be purchased. One drum takes months to tune, weeks to polish, and then more weeks to tune again.

The way that he almost, lovingly, tuned that steel-pan made me think of myself and my relationship with my Creator God and Savior Jesus Christ. God is like that man. He sees a "piece of junk" something that seems to be unusable, insignificant, worthless, and creates a beautiful masterpiece. He sent His only Son, Jesus, to come and give us a free gift of salvation, a chance at living and becoming a usable, significant, worthy masterpiece. I was once that old, ugly steel pan. God took the time to pick me up from that pile of junk, look at me, and see me for who I could be. He is molding be everyday. Tapping me, making sure that my "notes," my way of living, is beautiful and pleasing to Him. He will do the same for you, if you only ask.

Who is God calling me to be?

Who is God calling me to be? Not, what am I called to do.

Who am I? 

I am a child of God. And because I am a child of God, I am able to be molded into who God wants me to be. No matter how hard, or easy life is, I know that because I am God's child that I should not worry about the future. Does that mean that I will never worry, no. Does that mean that I will always be 100% sure of what I am "called to do," absolutely not, but I do know that it's not about what I am called to do, it is about who I am called to be.

God has called me to be a person who loves people. 

 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”- John 13:34-35

God has called me to be a servant. 

  

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."- Galatians 5:13

God has called me to be a leader. 

"Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."- 1 Timothy 4:12

God has called me to be a person of compassion. 

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."- Colossians 3:12

 

God has called me to be a person who forgives. 

 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."- Colossians 3:13


Sometimes Christians focus too much on outward "callings." Thinking that, "Oh, _(insert name)_ is doing the Lord's work by ministering overseas." or "My life as a Christian, does not mean as much as __(insert name)__'s life because I have not been called to do that particular thing, so I must not be important. No! False! As Christians, it is our duty to become the person that God wants us to be and has asked us to be.  

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus"

-Colossians 3:17

What if we all decided that we were "called" to go overseas? Who would be "called" to here? What if we all were "called" to teach? That would never work! Each member of the Christian body is like the actual, physical body. We cannot all be the eyes. We cannot all be the ears. Each has an important role in the functioning of the Christian body, but there is one thing that we all can be. We can all be the feet. The feet that proclaim the Gospel of Christ wherever we are! And we all can complement each other in the body of Christ. Complement means "a thing that completes or brings to perfection, a number of something to make a group complete." We all complete the body of Christ. That is what we are "called to be and called to do."

  "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you 

 ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." 

-Romans 12:3-8

God has given each one of us different gifts to be used. Do not ever think that your gift goes unseen. Do not ever think that you don't have a purpose. That your life is less important than (insert name)'s life. God has called each one of us to be the person who knows what we believe, why we believe, and a follower of Jesus Christ- the perfect example of who God has called us to be. Never think the Christian life is about actions/works. When you let the Lord work in your life, you will know who you are, who He has called you to be, and with that will come what God has called you to do.


But first, we must ask ourselves....Who is God calling me to be?

Love as I Loved

Yesterday my time was filled with vain and empty things,

And I was so busy with all that life brings,

People crowded in my way, 

But I pushed them all away,

They were just a senseless bother

Till I heard the Savior say:

Love as I loved,

Give as I gave;

These are the people that I came to save.

Love as I loved, and I will shine through,

Let others see My love, in you.

As I reflected on my summer in Trinidad, I read through my Trinidad journal and my recent blog posts. The entire summer was focused on love. Now that I am back in the States, what can I bring home from this trip? No matter where I am, I can love. I can love my students, neighbors, co-workers, church members, etc. Who am I to distinguish who I love, when God loves everyone! This may sound like a super simple and easy concept to undertake, but sometimes the simplest things are the hardest. What if each one of us stepped out of our comfort zones and loved our neighbor as ourselves? Would the world be a different place? I can tell you from my experiences in Trinidad, that Trinidad is a better place because of the love that is there. It is obvious that God's love is inside the hearts of the people. I have never felt so welcomed and at home, more than I do in Trinidad.

What was my purpose while in Trinidad? To show God's love towards all people. My everyday mission was to make sure that others knew that God loves them so much. Less of me and more of Him. But shouldn't that be my goal everyday? Just like this song says, I have become so caught up in empty things and so "busy" that I have forgotten who I live for and why I live. I live for the One True God! Alpha and Omega! Savior, Redeemer, Friend, Father! Who am I to forget who God is? How could I have become so selfish and self-centered? How can I change? How have I changed? Love! By loving my Heavenly Father and loving people like He loves me, my life has become much greater and circumstances much richer than I could have ever imagined.

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus Loves Me, such a simple, sweet song.  I have always loved Jesus Loves Me. If you come upon me tinkering on the piano, Jesus Loves Me, is one of the songs that I always play. Sometimes when playing or singing the song, I forget to listen to the words.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong!

Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so!

Jesus loves me, He who died
Heavens gates to open wide
He will wash away my sin
Let His little child come in.

Jesus loves me, He will stay
Close beside me all the way
Thou hast bled and died for me
I will henceforth live for Thee!

Such simple words with a sweet melody! Easy to remember and loved by those who are both young and old. This song became very special to me a couple weeks ago. I was helping a team with a Vacation Bible School. Upon arriving at the location, there were kids already waiting for us under the big tent. Immediately, I noticed a young girl about age 10 looking for someone. Her eyes wandered over every person getting off the bus and then she saw me. As soon as she saw me, it was instant recognition. When I saw her eyes light up and locked on to me, I did not know what to do. (Did I know her? How did she know me?) She came running towards me, gave me the biggest hug and said, "Hi, Best Friend!" So I said, "Hello?" She stood staring at me with huge brown eyes, I asked for her name and introduced myself. (For her sake, I will only give nicknames). Her name was Chunky. She was not chunky at all, but I suppose she was when she was little.

After our introduction, she sprinted off down the street. I was really disappointed. Why would she run to me, give me a hug, and then run away? I walked around talking with the other kids, but was still pondering why she would leave. I then looked up and see her coming, carrying a little girl. Chunky walked right up to me, handed me the little girl, and told me that the little girl's name was Pinkie. I asked why her nickname was Pinkie, and she said that when Pinkie was born, she was pink, so the name stuck. Now, Pinkie was different from her sister. She was about 2 years old and she would not smile for anything or show any emotion on her face. All I received was a blank stare and the only time I received any type of emotional response was when I tried to put her down, she would lift her arms back up and want me to hold her. So that's what I did. I held her and followed her sister around that first day.

The second day, Chunky found me again, gave me a big hug and handed me Pinkie. I realized that these were going to be my girls for the week. I determined that Pinkie was going to smile that week. I wanted to see her as a happy child. Pinkie was stuck in my arms that whole second day and while in my arms I would hum "Jesus Loves Me" and tell her that I loved her. The team also sang "Jesus Loves Me" everyday. At the end of the second day, I got a small smile from her!

The third day, Pinkie and Chunky were walking hand in hand. Pinkie ran right to me with a smile on her face. I was praising the Lord! Finally, breaking through to this precious child! We blew bubbles together and she had a full belly laugh going, but anytime another member from the team would try to get her to smile, it was like she went back into her shell, and you would see no emotion on her face. Also on this day, Pinkie was sitting in my lap coloring her Bible story page, when suddenly I felt a warm sensation. Pinkie had wet through her diaper and all over my skirt. I picked her up and Chunky said she would bring her home and back to VBS once Pinkie's clothes were changed.

The fourth day, I could see a change in Chunky and Pinkie. Both were happy and Chunky was telling me she loved Jesus. Pinkie, even though she was smiling and laughing, had not spoke any words. Just like the previous day, Pinkie was sitting in my lap, when all of a sudden a felt a flood of liquid. I picked her up and sure enough she had did it again except for this time no diaper, which is what contributed to the flood. This time, I decided to bring her home myself. I walked Pinkie home, and waited for her to get into some clean clothes. She then walked back to VBS with me.

The final day, Chunky and Pinkie greeted me with smiles and hugs. I was not ready to let them go. This was our last day together and I was praying for the Lord to work in their lives. Since the previous two days resulted in me getting wet, I kept track of time and promptly brought Pinkie home to use the bathroom before a wet accident happened again. On our way back to VBS, they had begun singing songs. I sat down with Pinkie and Chunky was right next to me. When the youth started singing "Jesus Loves Me" I sang along as always. While singing, I realized that something was different. Pinkie was singing along. This little girl, who said no words at all in the past five days, was singing "Jesus Loves Me." I gave her a big hug and told her that yes, Jesus does love you!! I was so happy I started to cry. Chunky looked at me funny, but I just smiled.

I know that Pinkie is too little to comprehend Jesus dying on the cross to save her, but hopefully she understood that Jesus loves her. If she does not remember anything else, I truly believe that she will always know the song "Jesus Loves Me" and I pray that one day she will come to know Him as her personal Savior. The hardest part about being here in Trinidad, is leaving behind the children and people that I have come to love. I may never see them again in this lifetime. But God has given me a hope that one day, I will hope to see them again in Heaven, praising our Lord and Savior!

Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so!

All of us together! (You see no emotion on Pinkie's face, because that was her typical face to other people).

Chunky showing me her art work.

Pinkie smiling!