Not "My" Plans

It has been awhile since I have posted a blog, but that is because I have not known what to say...


Jeremiah 29:11-14a, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your
heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

Isaiah 55:8-9 
 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

These are the verses that have kept coming to my mind lately. The Lord says specifically that He has made plans for me. Not "Me/I" have made plans for myself. 

The past few weeks were rough. I have been so excited for China and so many of you have rallied behind me in prayers and some in support. Thank you! But, I am not able to go to China. 
As I have mentioned before in my blogs and to people specifically, I have been waiting on my invitation letter to arrive from China. Things were going well with the paperwork and it looked like I would be getting the letter anytime. I received an email from my school in China stating that it was taking unusually long for the government to get me my letter, but I was not concerned. Well, a few days later, the school responded back saying that China would allow me to come, but that they would try again and see if it was a mistake. So the school graciously talked with the government again, and again the Chinese government said no. 


"I do not understand why. How could everything be leading to China for the past 5 months? Ok, Lord, um...You must have made a mistake. I thought you told me I was going to China. Isaiah 55 says "My thoughts are not your thoughts." Alright Lord. Now where to?"


I am not going to lie. I was devastated when I first heard this news. Truly I still do not understand 100% why I cannot go to China. But then my Uncle sent me a text message. First off, you have to understand that reading one of my Uncle's text messages is like decoding a secret message, but this message was different. No "decoding" in this one. God knew that I needed to hear exactly what my Uncle told me:
           "Easy for me to say but don't be discouraged. It is Not a situation u should be upset about. Remember God opens and closes doors when we don't fully understand. I think I remember u saying u were going to China until a red flag stopped you. Do not be discouraged. Remember I am still your Uncle. That should make you smile." (Yes, Uncle Andy, this does make me smile. Thank you! You are an important part of my life)


When I first accepted the position in China. My Uncle was the first to find out. I was at their house for the week. During our conversation about China, I did tell him that if a red flag came up, I would not go. Everything seemed to say go, and until the moment that a red flag came. I don't think the red flag could have been any more clear (the government refusing to let me in). 


Some of you may ask...where to now? 
My answer: I have no idea. Wherever the Lord leads. And at this moment, I do not know. 


Thank you all for your prayers and support. I will continue to update this blog as I can. Please pray that I will find a job soon for August. 

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Without Him

Romans 12:9-21
1) Let love be without hypocrisy. Be Genuine.
2) Abhor what is evil. Hate Evil.
3) Cling to what is good. Love Good.
4) Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
Love one another as part of your family.
     a) not lagging in diligence, Be Diligent and Hardworking.
     b) fervent in spirit, Be Enthusiastic and Passionate.
     c) serving the Lord; Serve. 
     d) rejoicing in hope, Rejoice! Have Confidence in the Lord.
     e) patient in tribulation, Be Patient in every circumstance.
     f) continuing steadfastly in prayer; Pray always.
     g) distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Welcome and take care of others in need.
5) Bless those who persecute you; Bless.
6) Bless and do not curse. Do not Curse.
7) Rejoice with those who rejoice, and Rejoice with others!
8) Weep with those who weep. Weep with others.
9) Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not consider yourself better than others. 
10) Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not care what others think, associate with those who are less fortunate.
11) Do not be wise in your own opinion. Do not be conceited.
12) Repay no one evil for evil. Look at #5. Bless.
12) Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. Bless All.
14) If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, Be Peaceable.
15) Do not avenge yourselves, but rather Do not "get even."
16) Give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”says the Lord. Therefore

                                                      “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
                                                        If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
                                                        For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”  If you treat your enemy by blessing them and by taking care to be kind, He will be ashamed of his behavior and hopefully see Christ in you.

17) Do not be overcome by evil, but Do not allow evil to overwhelm you and bog you down.

18) Overcome evil with good. Use good to defeat evil.

The closer I am getting to leaving for China, the more excited/nervous I become. I ask myself, "How do I serve those who do not know Christ without mentioning Him?"

As a Christian, these things listed above from Romans 12 is what we are called to do. I am called to do. Others will know that I am a Christian by doing those things above.

That is how I serve; by being genuine, caring for those around me, being hardworking, passionate, etc.  Yet, I cannot do those things without a faith and assurance in God. He alone sustains me and works through me. (Galations 2:20) 

None of those things can happen without Him.

With God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

Without Him I could do nothing

Without Him I'd surely fail

Without Him I would be drifting

Like a ship without a sail

Jesus, O Jesus

Do you know Him today

Do not turn Him away

O Jesus, O Jesus

Without Him, how lost I would be!

Without Him I could be dying

Without Him I'd be enslaved

Without Him life would be hopeless

But with Jesus, Thank God

I'm Saved!

Jesus, O Jesus

Do you know Him today

Do not turn Him away

O Jesus, O Jesus

Without Him, how lost I would be!

Saying Goodbye

Goodbyes. This past week has been nothing but goodbyes for me. I do not look forward to saying goodbye all over again come August, but I am very excited to see where God leads, no matter the goodbyes that have to come. 

Saying goodbye is not easy. Goodbye could mean "See you later," "I may not ever see you again," "See you soon,"etc. The uncertainty that lies ahead is not to be worried about. God knows exactly who I will see again on this earth. I have a joy; even though I will not see some ever again in this life here, I know that if they have accepted Christ as their Savior, I will see them again. How awesome is that!

Each and every person that I have met have been very special to me. I know I do not get to tell each one of you goodbye or thank you, but know that I will miss you all dearly and whether you know it or not, you have impacted my life for the better in Christ ( I am referring to all of you reading this). 

My Aunt and Uncle wrote this in their newsletter, "If goodbye were easy to say then I think it would mean we hadn’t truly been present." Every moment that God gives us to be together should be one that is treasured and a moment that we fully invest ourselves in. If it was not easy to say goodbye then we know that we have not invested in that moment or time. 

Spend every moment, living in the moment, cherishing the memories, and thanking God for every one of them.  


God be with you till we meet again
By His counsels guide uphold you
With His sheep securely fold you
God be with you till we meet again

Till we meet, Till we meet
Till we meet, at Jesus feet.
Till we meet, Till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again
'Neath His wings protecting hide you, 
Daily manna still provide you,
God be with you till we meet again

God be with you till we meet again
When life's perils thick confound you
Put His arms unfailing round you,
God be with you till we meet again

An Unexpected Blessing

It truly "blows my mind" how the Lord answers prayer, even the prayers that we may not specifically pray for. These past couple weeks, since accepting this position, I have been overwhelmed by the fact that I will not see friends and family for a long time some I may not even see 2 years from now. Two years seems like an awful, long time. I am not anxious or nervous because of this fact. I am sad, yet hopeful. That is the only way I can explain my emotions. The Lord is preparing me even now, by helping me realize and "come to terms" with the fact of not seeing family and friends. (Thankfully, there is such a thing as skype!)

Sunday, I had the opportunity to talk with my Aunt and Uncle, who are missionaries in Belgium. They were very encouraging and knew exactly my worries and concerns for moving all the way across the world. My Aunt and Uncle asked if I knew anyone else who was teaching at the school. "Well, no I don't. The only people that I have talked too have been the Principal and Assistant Principal." After our conversation, I knew that I needed a friend.

I forgot to look into "finding a friend" later that afternoon. I did not even ask the Lord's opinion in this matter either. Yet, that evening I had an email from a woman, my age, asking if I would be teaching at ZKIS and if so could we email and/or skype. My mind was "blown." "Wow, Lord...you knew my desire to have a friend, specifically another woman, whom I could talk to. I never even asked and I am sorry for not asking. Thank you for this special, unexpected blessing!"

What do I expect from the Lord?  Do I not realize that He cares for me and wants to bless me in ways that "blow my mind"?

There are 3 things that I have learned, so far, during this time of preparation:

1) I have come to realize that God loves us beyond what we could ever expect. Why then would I ever let that love go? God wants to love us! Why not accept that love and lay down your life at His feet? I am made to serve and love those who God created! 

2) Trust God! Pray! Know that He understands. It sounds so simple. There are days that I am so overwhelmed by how much God knows us. I know you are probably thinking"...um...Tabitha...He created you. You should know that by now." Yet, are you not overwhelmed at times by how much God cares for us and desires the best for us in our lives here on earth? "I know, I am." I am so overcome that I want others to know and come to be overwhelmed by these same thoughts. My desire is to love Him in the same way that He knows and loves us.

3) There is no greater blessing than to know that I am surrounded by believers who love me and care for me.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1

There is a song that I remember singing as I was growing up. Mom and I would sing this together. It is by Patch the Pirate a.k.a. Ron Hamilton. Jesus knows, longs, and loves us so much. His love has washed away our sins and He, the righteous, holy, and faithful One, will always stand by us.

Jesus knows my every word and deed
Jesus longs to meet my deepest need
He lives now to intercede
He will surely stand by me.

My God is a righteous God
My God is a holy God
My God is a faithful God
He will surely stand by me.

Jesus’ love has drawn my heart to Him
Jesus’ love has washed away my sin
His word makes me pure within
He will surely stand by me.

I have decided...

I have decided....
To follow Jesus
To pursue Him
To go where He leads me
To keep a blog so that friends and family can stay updated because...

I have decided...

To go to China.

Yes, I have decided to do all those things, not in my power, but in His alone. For some of you reading this, you are not surprised. Some of you may be thinking that I am crazy moving across the world.  Yet, when I think about it, I think peace. I think a divine intervention. If you would have asked me a couple months ago if China was a possibility, I would probably have laughed and said "Yeah right!" But the best part about it is; is that God knew. He knew that I would have this opportunity. He has provided so far and said "Go. Trust ME and go."

To let you all know how the Lord provided in this way...here is the story.
Back in January, my good friend and teammate Caroline and I were talking about teaching overseas. (This is something that I have always wanted to do: I can incorporate my love for teaching and my love for reaching people for Christ, all in one!) I was clueless as to where to start even pursuing a position overseas. Caroline mentioned missionteach.com. She heard of it through her church and a woman who found a position with missionteach. So...why not? I went to the website and decided to upload information about me along with my resume. I told myself..."Oh, nothing will probably come from this." Yet, a few days later I received a phone call from Wycliffe Bible Ministries and an email from a school in China. I enjoyed talking with Wycliffe, but did not feel like that was where the Lord wanted me to be. Wycliffe is a support-based ministry. I have student loans that need to be paid and I did not feel like I should be asking for yearly support until I paid them off. Now, as Wycliffe said, the Lord will provide no matter your situation. "Ok, yes, I understand, but no. I don't want to burden others with my debt in student loans."

Now going to the school in China, ZKIS. I received an email from the Principal. He said he found my information on missionteach.com and he needed a PE teacher for August 2012. If I was interested, I was told to contact him. "Why not? Sure!" So I contacted him. I interviewed with the principal and asked questions about the school and students over skype in February. The Principal made sure that I understood not to pursue this job completely until I was sure that I wanted to teach overseas, specifically at his school. I then committed to a lot of prayer. "Lord, is China where You want me? How can I best serve You? If it is in the states, please, make it clear. If in China, show me, make it clear." And show me He did.

I did not contact this principal again until March. I cannot explain except that while I was receiving emails, phone calls, and applications from other organizations and school around the world, I knew that I needed to pursue this school in China. God gave me this opportunity. If I do not pursue it to the end, then how will I ever know if I was supposed to go? So pursue it I did, while continuing in much prayer, I sent the principal an email, asking about the position. "Is the position still available?" He immediately replied back and said yes. He had kept me in mind and was also talking with one other person for the position. "Wow! The position is still available!" I was excited...I was seeing a possibility. "Alright, Lord. I will pursue this opportunity. You put it in front of me, it is my job to go for it."

A couple days later I received an email from the Assistant Principal. (He is going to become the Principal in July, because the current principal and his wife are retiring due to China rules.) He said he would like to set up an interview that week. We set the time for Thursday, April 12th, 8:30pm my time. "Oh my goodness!!! I have another interview! This is really exciting Lord! Well, it probably won't work out...oh well, still, I have an interview with China!!!" Those were my exact thoughts.

April 12th, 8:30pm. The assistant principal (AP) came on skype. "Oh no, what if I mess up? What if? What if? What if?" I dressed appropriately for the interview. I knew that the AP would probably not see the outfit, but this was professional. "This is a job interview, I am going to treat it like I am in China, in person." The AP called and I answered. He definitely knew how to make me feel comfortable and relaxed during the interview. We talked back and forth and then he started asking concept questions. "How would you teach in this situation? What if you had a child who knew no English? How do you teach? Give an example of a basketball lesson. What grades do you like to teach? Do you have a preference? etc." I answered all of those questions to the best of my ability and I felt really good about answering and talking with him. After all those questions, the AP ended his questions by saying that he thought I would be a great fit for their school and that I seemed like a genuine person. "That's was nice of him to say." I then proceeded to ask what he likes best about working at that particular school. He sold me on his answer. "The best part is working with a community of believers. Coming together for one purpose and serving Him together. Secondly, working with the students. They want to learn. There is no such thing as dreading Monday morning."
I was sold on serving the Lord together with one purpose. I was thinking to myself, "Yes, I can see myself there. I would love to be part of that community." The interview ended and he said he would let me know what he decided, probably within the next two weeks. "Alright. Two weeks. Ok, Lord. I pursued the opportunity. Now it is a waiting game."

I stayed up late that night watching "War Horse." So, before bed, I decided to check my email. Low and behold, just 5 hours later, I had an email from the AP.
It said:
"I spoke to the Principal after our conversation this morning and we would both be delighted if you could join our teaching team this summer. As I said yesterday, your personality, ideas and training will be a great asset to our ever growing school and I am very confident that you can make a valuable contribution to our school's future.

Every Blessing,"

"Oh my goodness!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!! What?! This can't be happening." I closed my computer...opened it back up...."No way!!!! I must be dreaming!" Nope, I wasn't dreaming. ZKIS offered me the position. "Oh no....what do I tell my parents?" I had not told them about pursuing this position with China because I never thought it would work out. I had a few friends who knew and were praying with me, but I honestly thought it would not happen. Our plans are not God's plans! I accepted the position the next Monday morning. I had a peace. "Yes, Lord. I will follow. Lead me."

That is how I have come to the decision about China. As I write this, I can't help but still be in awe of how He works. Who knew?

I have the position in China. Now it is up to the Chinese government. Will they let me in? I don't know. If the government says no, then I can't go, but still, I can't help but know that no matter what happens, God is in control. If He wants me there, it will be made possible. Please pray with me as I continue in prayer that the Chinese government would grant me access to their country.

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
No turning back, no turning back.

Wherever He leads I'll go,
Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so,
Wherever He leads I'll go.